Detoxing From the Tablet

Sorry! and Clue, four games of Uno. Freeze tag, bad dad jokes, and handwritten comics. These are a few of my favorite things. When the screams start. When we epic fail. When the service is bad. I simply remember our favorite things and then I don't get so mad.

We're not old-fashioned and we don't hate technology. We love to travel and it allows us the opportunity to spend time with our family without missing work. It's safe to say, we're pretty big fans of technology in general. But, for us, it doesn't have the same place in our kids' lives. They're still learning how to identify and regulate their own feelings; how to manage their time; how to deal with conflict; and how to listen without waiting to argue. How can they learn these basic life lessons if they're detached from reality and engrossed in a screen?

We bought tablets for our kids when school began sending notes home about Technology Day rewards. We were concerned that second grade was too young - but, they were excited and we trusted they would be using them in a group learning environment ... so we caved. Of course, there were limits and the ever-looming threat of having them taken away for not following the rules. We began to notice differences in their behavior almost immediately. They would eagerly complete their chores, they learned to make their own breakfast, and they would march into our room as a squad to ask for their precious tablets. They were exhibiting responsibility and independence, right?

Then we started allowing them to play their tablets when we were on the road. They didn't argue, we could cover more ground in a day and my husband and I could carry on a conversation without being interrupted. It was glorious. That year alone, we logged almost 10,000 miles on the road in a minivan. We even drove from the east coast of Florida back to North Texas in a single day with the kids plugged into tablets. We were earning our travel stripes and showing our kids the world - we were winning this parenting game, right? 

Wrong. So, so wrong. Our kids were learning that it was okay to rush through the important things like chores and school work, so they could spend more time on the fun things in life. They learned that mealtime was about an easy, quick bite, rather than a time to be together and nourish our bodies, as well as our relationships. They were learning that friendships were about competition. They traveled the country without seeing a single mile of it. What were we doing?

At first, the thought of taking the tablets away felt like punishment for us. My husband and I enjoy each other's company and the time we were racking up together was a nice reward. But, how were we spending that quality time? We were discussing the kids' behavior and how we were going to handle it - it was becoming us vs. them. Our bond didn't deteriorate overnight, so we knew to get it back would be a process. A slow detox would be our modus operandi, we would explain to them how their little brains were forming and how technology was overwhelming their developmental milestones, and they would voluntarily surrender their beloved screens. Then life happened. 

I got angry, so angry one day, that I scooped up all three tablets like a ravenous chicken hawk and flung them into a high, upper cabinet never to be seen again. There were tears, and I wasn't proud. Once the shock and awe wore off, the bargaining ... no, pleading began. There were so many deals being simultaneously negotiated that Esq. was added as an honorary suffix to each child's name. We held fast, we held the line, we drank wine. Then, their resolve began to show signs of wear and through the cracks, bursts of laughter would escape. Dance parties emerged and zombie tag was introduced to the five-year-old. 

We've been living full time in our RV for two months now, with no XBox, tablets or borrowing phones during long dinners out. Board games are frustrating when the youngest runs off with the dice, but it's teaching our older two about patience, redirection and how to get creative when things don't work out how they'd like. Someone always leaves a game of tag crying. Someone always interrupts our adult conversations to tell us about a questionable name they were called.

Our adult time is considerably less, but it's of higher quality and more satisfying. We're closer as a family than we were before the tablets were introduced and we're thankful for the role they've played. We're immensely grateful we were able to learn this lesson now while our kids are young, learning it through a "thing" that can be easily removed from our lives. Raising productive humans is a journey, it's our choice to take the scenic route - we hope to see you along the way.